I used to enjoy driving. I liked to take off on trips down the coast and out to the country. I got a buzz going on the freeway with the windows down. Behind the wheel I was confident. I trusted my car and I trusted myself to get where I needed to go.
But four years ago I sold my car. Having moved to a tiny inner city apartment, I no longer needed or could afford a car. It was with some sadness that I watched my car drive off without me, but I also felt relieved. No more petrol! No more services or parking fines!
Last year I moved back to my hometown. It’s a small city and it’s a car city. Public transport doesn’t really happen here. I realised pretty quickly that I wasn’t going to get very far – literally – by relying on buses. I went out and bought a cheap second-hand car.
It was also a manual.
I told myself, ‘You’ll be fine, it’s like riding a bike. It’ll all come back.’
After all, I’d learnt to drive in a manual ten years ago…but I had not driven a manual since. And I’d only just managed to pass the test back then.
Sitting in the car for the first time with my dad in the passenger seat, I found myself having flashbacks to a bad stalling incident on a busy road as a Learner. I’d nearly rear-ended someone. I felt my heart racing.
‘Calm down, just put your foot on the clutch and put it into first gear. Just one step at a time,’ said my dad. It was hard to listen and follow his instructions with the cloud of panic that was in my brain. But I did it, I made the car roll forward. And I stalled.
Learning to drive manual again was not like a riding a bike. I had a whole lot of fear associated with driving a car with a clutch. I bunny-hopped my way around my suburb and had a few teary outbursts when I couldn’t manage hill starts.
At one point I thought I would have to sell the car and buy an auto. I didn’t. Instead, I found myself heading up the highway to the hills. The countryside whizzed past and fear was closing up my throat. I just kept driving anyway.
The Wordy Way 